oh little 5 and all your glory

Oh hey, remember me? Yea, I’m back. Miss me? Thought so. Get your reading glasses grandpa, B-randt’s gonna drop an update on your ass.

Well sir/madam, this weekend is the most glorious pantie dropping, burger grilling, bike pedaling, condom breaking, slip ‘n’ sliding, nut busting, frat fighting, bitches be crazy weekend of all of college of all of time. Analysts say the profits from this weekend alone will be huge for the 2nd quarter and may bring the US economy out of the recession. That’s right kiddies, it’s Little 5.

The recession thing was a joke. Stop googling Little 5 stock symbols. So here are my thoughts on the weekend. We got three acts this year; Ying Yang Twins, DMX, and Yung Joc. I guess my favorite part about little five performers is they are always so diverse. I mean, if you want murder rap, you got DMX. If you want sex rap, you you got the Ying yang twins. If you want sex and murder rap, you got Yung Joc.

I prefer both, which is why I chose Yung Joc, and because I thought DMX might kill me. Apparently IU forgot about the rest of music genres and chose to stick to just one. But I’m not complaining as long as they throw some money out into the crowd to pay me back for my $20 ticket which I am inevitably going to regret. It is at a frat house, a jewish frat house nonetheless so I will most likely get mobbed by jersey bitches. Why you ask? Well that’s a stupid question. For being poor, duh. Jersey bitches don’t like poor people, everyone knows that. And they can sense an empty wallet like a bloodhound on a dirty pair of underwear.

I’m looking forward to it though, except I always plan things for my friends which is stressful. It seems my friends are all incredibly lazy and never, ever make plans of their own. This annoys me greatly. And because they are so lazy they often cancel because they are either A) broke B) tired or C) consumed by a video game. You wouldn’t believe how often I get the latter. So out of 5 people I’ve invited, two have already canceled on me. And here’s the kicker, they asked me a week ago to buy their ticket for them and they will pay me back. They both canceled today, so I would have got stuck with two extra $20 tickets. However, being the intelligent and experienced planner I am, I chose to buy the tickets last minute so I am not stuck with tickets that people have decided not to use. I just really hate it when people can’t commit to something one week ahead of time.

Before I go, I’d like to make a list of things I hope to see this weekend.

1. my dick in a vagina

2. street boobs (i.e. girls gone wild type shit)

3. fights

4. bike wreckage

5. my head in a toilet

cuz i like to get druuunk